The Plan

by Tim Frankovich

Setting: Demonic board meeting

Characters: Satan, Destroyer, Deceiver, Hatred, Lust, Sniveling Dirtball

Demons seated at table. Satan enters and takes his seat, dropping a stack of papers on the table.

Demons: Good afternoon, sir. Welcome, Lord Satan. (etc.)

Satan motions to Dirtball

Dirtball: Ahem! This meeting of the Supreme Principalities and Powers will come to order. Today is Wednesday, September 15th. Today's topic is: Christian youth.

Destroyer (rising): You said the C word! I should KILL you for that!

Satan: Sit down, Destroyer! It's a nasty subject, but one that needs to be addressed.

Satan surveys each of them in turn, slowly.

Satan: Gentlemen... and I do use that term loosely... you are supposed to be the finest demons the forces of darkness have to offer. Destroyer... Deceiver... Hatred... Lust... Sniveling Dirtball... A more wretched scum of villainy and evil could not be found anywhere else in this universe.

Demons smile and nod.

Hatred: Thank you, Master Lucifer...

Satan (suddenly angry): So explain to me why it is you have failed utterly in dealing with these Christian youth!! They are getting out of hand!

Deceiver (soothingly): But sire, our work with them could not possibly be at a higher pace than it is now. We've been using every trick in the book - peer pressure, sex, drugs, South Park, music, movies....

Dirtball: Yeah, yeah, everything you recommended in your classic work, boss - "How to keep kids from Christ!"

Destroyer leaps up and grabs Dirtball around the neck.

Destroyer: You said the C word AGAIN!!!

Satan: Calm yourself, Destroyer, and kindly take your claws off of Dirtball's neck. He still has some reports to read for me.

Destroyer sulkily takes his seat and scowls. Dirtball nervously gets to his feet and fumbles through some papers.

Dirtball: Well, yes, um, uh... as we discussed the last time we met on this subject, back in May... um... our usual tactics don't seem to be working so well... all over America, these... um... (glances at Destroyer) "born-again" youth are standing up for God.

Deceiver: We went over that back then! We are succeeding with multitudes, pulling them away from God, convincing them church and Sunday School are boring, outdated, and so on.

Satan: But there are multitudes that you are NOT succeeding with! Destroyer, be so good as to tell us what we decided last meeting!

Destroyer: Yes, sire. At the time, we decided some examples needed to be made - in a subtle way. So together with Hatred and Deceiver, I worked out a plan where we killed some of these young people at school. We hoped that would put a damper on their "fire for God..."

Satan: But it didn't, did it? Our Enemy was able to use even THAT for His purposes! Today, the Christian young people can't seem to STOP talking about Cassie Bernall and those others you killed in Colorado! It's inspiring them all over the country!!!

Destroyer: My lord, we were too subtle. We staged the event at a public school, we allowed the killers free rein to kill whoever they wanted. We need to send a more forceful message.

Satan: Perhaps you're right. Dirtball! Tell them what happened TODAY!

Dirtball: Huh? Oh, yes, yes, your diabolicness, sire. Ahem. (reads from paper) Today marked that annual horror called See You at the Pole. Reports indicate that an overwhelming record turnout took place. Thousands of youth all over the country prayed and sang and...

Satan: Did you hear that??!! They prayed!! Do you idiots know how dangerous that is?? Do you realize what that could MEAN??

Destroyer: Master, give me permission to really make examples of some of them! I can...

Satan: I HATE, HATE, HATE THEM! Do you understand?? They must PAY!

Deceiver: A direct approach is not always the best...

Satan: You stay out of this one, Deceiver! I want deaths, Destroyer. Do you understand? And not at a school. I want this to be clear. Get them at their church.

Destroyer: It can be done, sire. Hatred and I have a perfect candidate picked out. We have only to point him in the right direction...

Satan: Then do it! (gets up and begins to rant, throwing things around, etc.) The Christian youth are the biggest threat to our domination of this country! If they keep up with this "on fire for God" garbage, it could spell the end of all we've worked for! Revival could actually happen! Look at all they're doing - asking for prayer at school graduations and even football games! Praying at flagpoles! This is totally out of hand!! I want examples, Destroyer! I want them dead, DEAD, DEAD!!! (pauses and takes a deep breath) You have someone already, did you say? Excellent. Where is it this time?

Destroyer: Fort Worth, Texas.